Zelda: Legend of the Screwed Up LegendOF TIME!
by Dark Crystals
Summary: MY version of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Link is an idiot, as usual, and Navi tags along, chock full of that annoying fairy stuff you all know and love! R, R, and enjoy!


Hello All!  
  
All: HI!  
  
I hope you enjoy!  
  
All: We most likely won't...  
  
Grrrr...  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own  
  
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Zelda: Legend of the Screwed Up Legend...OF TIME!  
  
Chapter One: The Stupidest Damn Team in the World  
  
Deku Tree: Hey! Fairy!  
  
Navi: What do YOU want?  
  
Deku Tree: I need you do me a favor. Right this second.  
  
Navi: Who died and made you king?  
  
Deku Tree: That guy! (points at dead hobo) Anyway...just do it!  
  
Navi: Why should I?  
  
Deku Tree: BECAUSE I SAID SO! The world's coming to an end but worst of all...I HAVE A TUMMY ACHE!  
  
Navi: And?  
  
Deku Tree: DON'T YOU CARE?!?!?!  
  
Navi: Not really...soon, you will die, THEN I WILL BE THE NEW TREE!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!  
  
Deku Tree: ... How can you be a fairy AND a tree?  
  
Navi: DON'T ASK QUESTIONS!  
  
Deku Tree: Just get the blasted kid...  
  
Navi: (mumble)  
  
Deku Tree: I'll give you a cookie!  
  
Navi: OK!  
  
(Navi flies in the opposite direction but flies into a wall.)  
  
Navi: Ow!  
  
(Flies into a small kid)  
  
Navi: Ow!  
  
(Flies into a house)  
  
Navi: Ow!  
  
(Flies into another wall)  
  
Navi: Ow!  
  
(Flies into yet another wall)  
  
Navi: Ow!  
  
(Flies into a fence)  
  
Navi: Damn 50/50 eye sight...  
  
(She runs into a random child)  
  
Random Child: ...?  
  
Navi: OH! WOW! You're FAT!  
  
Random Child: Oh, gee. You're nice.  
  
Navi: Thanks! Well, come on! The Great Deku Tree awaits!  
  
Random Child: Wait...did you say GREAT Deku Tree?  
  
Navi: ...yes.  
  
Random Child: Um...OK!  
  
Navi: (looks him over) Well, the big guy did say the boy was a bit thinner. And he should be fairy-less.....................Oh well. Close enough.  
  
Random Child: Who the hell are you anyway?  
  
Navi: Your fairy, stupid!  
  
Random Child: But I already have a fairy!  
  
Navi: Then get rid of it!  
  
Random Child: Looks like I don't need you anymore, Tink  
  
Tinkerbelle: So that's it? You're just gonna dump me, just like that?  
  
Random Child: You saw this coming...  
  
Navi: ACK! This is taking too long *kills the other fairy*  
  
(So, Navi and the boy embarked on a journey and saved Hyrule. Everything was back to normal and the boy eventually died. The End. Or was it? No...it wasn't...)  
  
Deku Tree: Hey! Fairy!  
  
Navi: What do you want now?  
  
Deku Tree: Do me a favor  
  
Navi: Who died and made you king?  
  
Deku Tree: Oh good lord, let's not go through this again.  
  
Navi: Wait, didn't I already save that one place already?  
  
Deku Tree: Yeah, well I made it un-peaceful. Just for the hell of it.  
  
Navi: Oh alright... (flies off)  
  
Deku Tree: AND THIS TIME, MAKE SURE THAT THE BOY DOESN'T HAVE A FAERIE...AND ISN'T FAT!  
  
~Minutes Later~  
  
Navi: Er, kid. WAKE UP!  
  
Link: *snore*...no...*snore*  
  
Navi: Hey! He's awake!  
  
Link: *Snore*  
  
Navi: Aw damn  
  
~More Minutes Later~  
  
Navi: WAKE UP!  
  
Link: *snore* ...shut...up...*snore*  
  
Navi: You're awake!  
  
Link: *snore*...no...really...I'm...not...*snore*  
  
Navi: ugh...  
  
~Many More Minutes Later~  
  
Navi: ...AND THEY ALL GO MARCHING DOWN. TO THE GROUND. TO GET OUT. OF THE RAIN! BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM! THE ANTS GO MARCHING THREE HUNDRED TWNTY TWO BY THREE HUNDRED TWENTY TWO, HOORAY! HOORAY! THE ANTS-  
  
Link: *snore*...the...more...you...rant...the...more...I...sleep...*snore*  
  
Navi: ...  
  
Link: ...HUH? Wha?!?! Where am I?  
  
Navi: You're in your house, stupid.  
  
Link: AH! A BREAK IN! *hits Navi with a frying pan* POLICE! POLICE! POLICE!  
  
Navi: @_@ ...  
  
Link: WHY AREN'T THEY COMING???  
  
Navi: Who wants to come to this place...to save you?  
  
Link: ... Good point  
  
Navi: C'mon, we gotta go do...............STUFF!  
  
Link: To the stuff cave!  
  
(WHIRR, WHIRR!)  
  
~Stuff Cave AKA Outside~  
  
Link: Hey, what the hell's your name again?  
  
Navi: ... Navi  
  
Link: Okey dokey then  
  
Navi: Ugh -.-U  
  
Saria: YAHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
Link: Oh no, it's the demon child...  
  
Navi: *pushes Link off the tree house thing*  
  
Saria: LINK! MUST...HUG!  
  
Link: AHHH! *runs toward Mido* DEMON WOMAN! DEMON WOMAAAANNNN!!!  
  
Mido: Saria! My love! Link! The village idiot!  
  
Saria: Ewww, get away from me... *sees Link hiding behind a deku stick he retrieved after kicking a deku baba* LINK! *squeezes him to certain death*  
  
Link: GASP! Can't...breath! Oh *choke* thanks a lot Mido!  
  
Mido: No problem. And by the way. You can't come here without a sword and shield.  
  
Link: Aw, Mido! Why can't you help a brotha out???  
  
Mido: You are in no way related to me  
  
Link: The dumb just seem to get dumber.  
  
Navi: Just go buy one!  
  
Link: Oh yeah, right  
  
(Link runs through the field, throws rocks, jumps those stone things across the water many times, broke into houses, broke jugs, cut grass, climbed bridges, and did a bunch of other stuff till he had 39 Rupees.(Hard to believe, but yes))  
  
Link: Only 39? For all that crap? *Kokiri runs by* hmmmm... *punches out Kokiri and steals all his Rupees* HA! NOW I HAVE 67 RUPEES!  
  
Navi: But you only needed one mor-  
  
Link: DID I ASK FOR YOUR OPINION?  
  
(In the shop, Link ends up stealing the shield. He then spent his Rupees on six heart pieces.)  
  
~At The Hole Thing~  
  
Link: Are you kidding? I'm not going through that thing! I'm claustrophobic!  
  
Navi: How do you know big words like that???  
  
Link: I DO go to school, you know.  
  
Navi: No you don't...  
  
Link: Yuh huh!  
  
Navi: Fine. What's 2+2?  
  
Link: 67  
  
Navi: My point exactly.  
  
Link: Get in there! *shoves her in*  
  
~Seconds Later~  
  
(Navi comes out with a sword and more Rupees.)  
  
Navi: Happy?  
  
Link: There's no living with her after this...  
  
~At...The Place Mido Is Standing~  
  
Link: Look! *shows him the stuff*  
  
Mido: Dude! Is that marijuana???  
  
Link: Yup! But look at this *shows him sword and shield* Lemme in!  
  
Navi: If you don't, the Deku Tree shall smite you. Smite you good.  
  
Mido: Damn smiting rules...  
  
(Link runs past Mido)  
  
Mido: Damn you! *shakes fist at Link*  
  
~At Deku Tree~  
  
Link: O.O Whoa.  
  
Deku Tree: Yes...whoa.  
  
Link: ...  
  
Deku Tree: I have a problem!  
  
Link: ...  
  
Deku Tree: A grand one!  
  
Link: ...  
  
Deku Tree: And you must help me!  
  
Link: ...  
  
Deku Tree: By getting into my mouth!  
  
Navi: Is...is that physically possible?  
  
Deku Tree: If I say it is.  
  
Link: ...  
  
Deku Tree: ...  
  
Link: ...  
  
Navi: Link, I think he wants you to go now-  
  
Link: Shoosh! I'm trying to talk to the tree...  
  
Deku Tree: Go now...  
  
Link: ...  
  
Deku Tree: ...  
  
Link: ...  
  
Deku Tree: Period.  
  
Link: OK THEN!  
  
(Link runs into the Deku Tree's mouth.)  
  
Navi: That had better be a damn good cookie...  
  
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What will happen when Link enters the mouth of EVIL!? Will he die? Live? Or do a little dance? Find out on the next installment of Zelda: Legend of the Screwed Up Legend...OF TIME  
  
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Anyway. That was fun. Review because I SAID SO! Hehe... ^_^  
  
All: Aw, you suck!  
  
Oh, shut up! 


End file.
